There’s an unwritten rule it seems in the speaking industry that everyone presents themselves as a cheesy shell of a human. People post the most relentless drivel of smiles and perfection and a facade of success and glory and quite honestly it makes me want to scream. And I often do. On records and in the studio, but the origins of those sounds are with the idea that we can never really be ourselves. We present who we want the world to see. And even those who claim to know better are just perpetuating the same ridiculous poison: that the surface matters most. What I’ve learned over decades of listening to people from countless cultures and countries around the world is that the opposite is true.
The surface is bullshit. The facade we present to the world might be necessary and essential in that we live and die based on our self esteem and how we present ourselves gives us a sense of self. While that is true, often the illusion we end up offering becomes more significant to us than the reality inside. It is detrimental and destructive to us and to others to enhance facades for the sake of image and to then hope that we are idealized by those who see what we present. Its a slowly spreading virus. Its a race to the bottom.
Enough of that. I don’t accept it in my musical output and I certainly don’t want it on the blog attached to my name.
I just posted this on Facebook and its exactly because I didnt want to post it here that I’m posting it here. Authenticity or death. Even if one leads to the other in a professional or personal capacity.
April 28th to late last night August 13th. When I left Seattle April 28th, I was broken hearted, confused, upset, unhappy, and yet somehow still hopeful. I knew that if I stayed out on the road seeking experience and at the same time kept looking within that I would find something. I wasn't sure what, but I knew there was more to life than what I had been feeling since the dark days of the winter when I spent every day just spiraling downward and lost.
I just got back to Seattle late last night. In the last three and a half months I have driven close to five thousand miles back and forth in the United States, flown twice across half the planet, done spoken word tours through Iceland and Germany, seen the XBystanderX record explode into the world, done ninety (yes ninety) shows at a theatre in the midwest to hone my performing skills, lost fifteen pounds, played with Bystander across Europe, spent priceless time with close friends old and new in places and ways I never could have imagined, and saw stars in hearts and skies.
I kept my eyes and mind open the entire time. I surrounded myself with people who were vital, vibrant, and real. I listened to them. I connected with good people and paid close attention to the experiences around me. I wrote notes and took photos the entire time to remind myself of all of it and to insure that I would never forget what it feels like to rediscover who you are and what it means to connect passionately with the world.
I found what I was looking for. Hi.